


Why do I even trust them?

by DmitriMolotov



Series: The Fakes One-shots and Prompts [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fake AH Crew, GTA AU, Gen, Humor, Language, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 08:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6947740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DmitriMolotov/pseuds/DmitriMolotov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Ryan are not to be trusted, Geoff is exasperated and Jeremy is looking for some fun.</p><p>The LSPD learn the hard way that Lil J is not to be messed with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why do I even trust them?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from Tumblr @RTficwriternetwork: Come on, he doesn’t look _that_ dangerous.

Geoff sighed and took a deep swig of whiskey.

He knew not to trust Michael and Ryan together; never leave those two unattended. He should have learned his lesson from the first three incidents.

He’d watched this one play out on the news over the past few hours. First the explosions and the car chase around the city, then the train crash, then the bus incident, then the – god-knows-what they were trying to do at the cemetery – then the news of their arrests. It wasn’t pretty, but then again, it rarely was. Ryan and Michael weren’t the kind to go down without a fight.

Because their final stand had gone on for so long, the news teams had time to arrive, and were able to record most of it. Every time something like that happened, Geoff was thankful for the media coverage. Not for the publicity, although that was always nice, but because the day the news vans didn’t turn up in time, would probably also be the day that they announced ‘a tragic and unavoidable accident occurred, resulting in the death of two of Los Santos’ most wanted’ …or something like that. The cops in Los Santos may be corrupt, but they wouldn’t shoot them in cold blood, at least, not in front of the cameras.

Good thing news of the Fake AH Crew sold so well.

So thankfully, Michael and Ryan had been subdued, however violently, but were still alive and very likely being beaten for information in a Los Santos lockup downtown. Wonderful.

Geoff sighed again and turned off the TV.

“Better go get ‘em, I suppose. Jeremy, I think it’s your turn.”

* * *

Jeremy pulled up to the front of the police station and briefly collected himself.

He’d run over dozens of scenarios in his head for how he might do this, but he was feeling good and frankly a little bit cocky, so he thought it was best to keep things simple.

He had twin pistols concealed in shoulder holsters under his jacket, one more tucked into his belt at the small of his back, a few different types of hand grenades stuffed into various pockets… Yeah, that should do him. All he had to do was get to Michael and Ryan, once he got them out, they were more than capable of taking care of themselves.

He snatched up his trademark hat, locked the car behind him and casually strolled into the police station as if he belonged there.

The detective behind the desk at reception glanced up from his paperwork, and almost did a double take before hitting the alarm, alerting the station of the threat.

Within moments it seemed as the entire staff of the station had come to meet him in the foyer, Tasers and other non-lethal weapons drawn and at the ready.

The “threat” appeared to be a barely 5’4” man in ridiculously bright coloured clothing, sporting a cowboy hat and a pair of aviator sunglasses. If anything he just looked eccentric.

One of the more junior officers was confused. Come on, he didn’t look _that_ dangerous. How much trouble could this guy really be?

Unfortunately for the officer, his confusion was written all over his face and Jeremy saw it as an invitation to demonstrate why he had earned his spot in the Fake AH Crew.

The cowboy hat was fitting. He was so quick to the draw, the officer had barely registered that Jeremy had a gun before the bullet lodged itself in his brain.

Jeremy glanced around at the remaining officers.

“Alright. Who wants to dance?”

* * *

When Jeremy found Michael and Ryan, they were in a holding cell; both inexplicably shirtless, covered in blood and bruises, panting for breath, surrounded by four (probably just) unconscious bodies and huge grins plastered on their faces.

Jeremy raised an eyebrow, “Am I… am I interrupting something?”

“No. We’re done,” Ryan replied nonchalantly, picking up his clothes from the floor.

“Why are you both sh…” Jeremy started inquisitively, before changing his mind, holding his hands up and taking a step back, “You know what, never mind, I don’t want to know.”

“Good move, Lil J,” Michael returned a grin, putting his shirt and jacket back on, “Shall we get the fuck out of here?”

Jeremy unlocked the cell and led them back through the station, casually stepping over the dead and unconscious bodies of no less than fifteen police officers.

“Whoa, Jeremy, you annihilated these guys!” Ryan laughed.

“Lil J! You did all this for us?” Michael feigned flattery, fanning himself with one hand.

Jeremy rolled with it, “Well, you know, I wanted to do something special, and I know how much you like murder, so I just thought, y’know, why not?”

With an approving chuckle, they climbed into Jeremy’s car; Michael in the passenger seat and Ryan in the back, and Jeremy tore away from the police station and started towards home.

“Better call Geoff,” Jeremy suggested, “this was his idea.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow sceptically, “Busting into the police station and killing everyone was _Geoff’s_ idea?”

“Well… no, that was my idea. But in fairness, Geoff said I should go get you, he didn’t say _how_.”

“I’ll call him,” Michael volunteered before Ryan could get his phone out. Ryan did not have the best phone manner and always had a knack for pissing off Geoff and making situations like this worse. He put the phone on loudspeaker anyway.

Geoff let the phone ring for a long time before he answered, “Michael. Is this a butt phone? Or has Lil J saved your ass? Literally.”

They all laughed in response.

“I take it that means you’re with Jeremy then.”

“Yeah, we’re with Lil J, you should’ve seen it Geoff, he kicked some ass…” Michael started, before the sound of sirens suddenly blared behind them, cutting him off.

Geoff heard the sirens and sighed, “Hey, Michael?”

“Uh, yeah Geoff?” Michael replied, wincing.

“What’s uh… what’s _that_ noise? Huh?” Geoff asked, feigning ignorance, “It uh… it sounds a bit like maybe sirens…”

Michael played along, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Geoff…” He practically had to yell over the sirens, as Jeremy swerved through oncoming traffic to avoid having their tyres shot out. Meanwhile, Ryan had found Jeremy’s other weapons in a duffel bag in the backseat and had started to return fire out the window, laughing maniacally as he did.

Michael yelled even louder to be heard over the commotion, “I don’t hear anything!”

Geoff sighed. Really, what had he been expecting anyway?

“Don’t you assholes dare come back here with a wanted level. I will personally kick each your asses if you do.”

Jeremy yanked the handbrake and put the car in a spin, executing a perfect 180, dropping it back in gear and speeding towards the pursuing cops.

The rush of speed, blood pumping, adrenaline running high and weapons at the ready; the three of them were in their element.

“Oh don’t worry Geoff,” Jeremy said with a cocky smirk on his face, “we got this.”


End file.
